Dress for success, they say. Let your clothes do the talking. Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. In Volodymyr Zelensky’s case this last little fashion aphorism on the power of clothes to determine your preferred outcomes may also be the most salient for the beleaguered leader of Ukraine. This is a chap who has unapologetically dressed for war. He symbolically removed his civvies and leaned heavily into combat fatigues ever since the remarkably rejuvenated leader of Russia caught the territorial expansion bug.
Can we please pause for a moment and consider the salutary effects of full-scale unprovoked invasions on one’s vigour and waxy good looks? People were saying Vlad was renting a body double just a few short years ago — now he looks like he's had a full body transplant and will be plaguing his neighbours for many more years than previously anticipated, given the once gloomy prognosis reports. Never mind who did the work on Kris Jenner’s visage, I want to know who’s doing Putin? If this is the new face of 72 years old, I want in on his secret.
So do the billionaires in search of eternal life. Peter Thiel is probably keeping close tabs on this regenesis situation and planning his own planetary invasion and takeover, as soon as AI is good enough. If bombing your neighbour is this effective for your youth-preserving capabilities, what would global domination do for your mitochondria? Bryan Johnson should run some of those numbers through his vampire machines.
Immortality of one sort or another is clearly top of mind once you hit your 70s. Back in Washington not much has changed in state craft since Thucydides (the historian of the war between Athens and Sparta back in 431BC) said: “Strong and rich states do what they want and poor states do what they must.” Now that all the states are rushing to Washington in the middle of their summer holidays, you get the sense that Donald Trump is a man on fire, apparently now driven by very sincere postmortem concerns? Will the pearly gates open for him, he asks on the Fox News morning show? This is as good a venue as any for spiritual concerns regarding the afterlife. You could argue that it’s a bit late in the game to be nurturing thoughts of eternal salvation — but here we are, overwhelmed with these antique concerns. Trump appears to be working on his Earthly legacy in the hopes that a Nobel prize will count for something in the next realm.
I don’t know what kind of accounting happens in heaven. Can you cut a deal with God? “Look, I sorted out several wars. I was the king of the world, top of the pops. I did some light p**** grabbing, but show me a man who hasn’t taken his chances when he got them. Come on, I am a pretty wonderful family man. I've given my children every possible opportunity and lined their pockets for generations to come. I've put my name on practically everything, cheated at golf only sparingly and sported a seriously fantastic tan and comb-over for the longest time. My wife has written a letter on my behalf about the little children. Am I not a little lamb too? OK a wolf, maybe, probably a fox — but aren't all of your creatures welcome here?”
I just love this Latter-Day Saint for us. I'm just reading the tea leaves here, taking the measure of the glad rags, reading the signs and portents — and all that sartorial jazz, guys, I'm feeling strong in the prognostication arts. I see Zelensky dressing for peace and the Donald in a natty, monochrome, tending-to-business suit — and my heart sings.
