I don’t perform the stereotypical role of femininity, says fashion entrepreneur Yasmin Furmie

Yasmin Furmie is a designer and fashion entrepreneur who co-owns fashion label SiSi.

Furmie is considered a fashion icon and is known to make the most unexpected fashion choices look effortlessly elegant and cool. 

She chats to Wanted’s managing editor Suzy Josephson about how she understands femininity and how she navigates it in today’s world. 

Suzy Jospeshson: What makes you feel feminine?

Yasmin Furmie: I think just being me, because outwardly people may look at me and think that I’m not feminine in the traditional sense of the word, that I don’t perform the sort of stereotypical role of femininity — being demure, having long hair, almost being invisible, especially at my age. I’m outspoken, I’m loud, I’m in your face, I take up space, and perhaps those are not the sort of things that people think of in terms of a very feminine woman. I don’t outwardly look feminine, the way I dress. My look can be very masculine at times, so, for me, it’s just showing my confidence and my comfort with who I am and not necessarily trying to show somebody that I’m being one or the other or both.

I wear heels to go to a smart function — not to look feminine but just because that’s what I feel like doing. So, for me, it’s generally about my comfort and how I feel about myself and not performing for society and what I’m supposed to be.

SJ: You mention hair. That seems to be a big one in terms of what society accepts as feminine?

YF: I think [of] the stereotypical looks of not having very short hair like mine. People make assumptions about my sexuality because of my hair. They sometimes look at me and say, “Oh, does your husband like the way you dress?” Because they look at me and think, “Is she feminine enough for him?”

SJ: I find the juxtaposition of a masculine look against very feminine features, which you definitely have, more feminine...

YF: There’s also the fact that I’m Muslim. There are so many layered expectations about what feminine is and sometimes, if you’re always in pants and then you wear a dress, it’s like, “Oh my God, do you wear dresses?” And I’m like, I wear whatever I feel like wearing on the day. I’m not bound by how people view me. Everyone around me, my friends, are very comfortable with who I am and how I am, and I know who I am. I don’t have to prove to people that this is Yasmin, even though she’s got the short hair, she has to be feminine in other ways. I think I am who I am and people either take it or leave it.

SJ: You mention that you’re a mother. Is that a role that makes you feel feminine?

YF: I guess in the sense that traditionally, mothering has been done by women. Of course, it’s certainly changed in terms of how our families have been structured. Who mothers is no longer defined by your gender. Even that word comes with its own stuff.

I don’t think about it as being feminine. I just think about doing it. It’s not a conscious thing in my head: does this make me a woman because I’ve birthed children and I’ve mothered my children? I just do it and I think because of who I am I don’t perhaps look the traditional part, but I do what I have to do. I never think of it in that binary way — I’m a woman and therefore I’m a mother and therefore I’m seen as feminine, or you’re a man, you go out and work and therefore you’re seen as masculine. I don’t see the world in those very black and white ways.

SJ: You’ve got a big career, so you’re not playing the stereotypical role of staying home with children...

YF: Well, I did give up my career for a time. I was a social worker and I had my children, so I did fall into that “she’s the one who is not the breadwinner, so she’ll stay at home”. It was a decision jointly by my husband and me. There were times when I fell into that role, but not going, “Oh my God, I’m a woman and therefore I am at home.” I did choose to be there for my children and do what I could, but I never did it like, “I’m the woman and therefore I have to.” I think if I wanted to go back to work it wouldn’t have been an issue.

SJ: In terms of your upbringing? Do you feel like either of your parents shaped your perception of femininity?

YF: Though my parents were in traditional roles, my mother was very forceful in telling us we could be anything we wanted to be and that we must never be held back by what society expects of us... from her sons and her daughters. And my father was very important in allowing us... especially his daughters... to be who we wanted to be, how we wanted to dress. They were very easy with us growing up and not always expecting us to be in a particular role. My brother went into fashion design, which wasn’t done in the community where we were growing up. There was a preconceived idea of who goes into fashion.

SJ: Going back to hair... did you ever have long hair?

YF: I did... long curly, long straightened, whatever was in fashion... but there came a point where I decided there was too much time spent on this particular aspect of my life and my body that I don’t want to spend time on, so I thought, “I’m going to cut it short.” It’s difficult when people who really have been conditioned to think that it shouldn’t be, “but she does it”. People make comments like, “Why do you cut your hair that short?” and the subtext is that you look like a guy with your hair that short. It comes from the more conservative people in the community, the older members who haven’t been faced with it in their lives.

SJ: That’s understandable from that kind of background. And is your daughter conventionally feminine?

YF: She also moves between the two. She’s got traditional long hair, but she can dress in a very masculine way, cool suits. Perhaps she’s more traditional in the way that she wears cute little minis, but she’s comfortable enough to move in the way that she wants to in terms of how she presents herself.

SJ: Do you think how society is now has shaped her differently than your experience?

YF: Oh, definitely. I just look at the ease with which you can have conversations around a whole lot of different topics with adults. When we were growing up you had to first read the room and wonder, “Can I talk about this?” My daughter is very challenging; if she wants to say something that is totally against what someone else is saying and that she believes strongly, then she’s able to say it.

I think the way society is more open now and she’s studying means that she’s exposed to a lot of viewpoints, and it’s worked in her favour and how she has traversed the world and her spaces and it’s wonderful. They’re challenged to question and to be critical. Even in terms of pronouns, I sometimes say “he” and she says, “Mom, you can’t say he when you don’t know that’s the pronoun that they use, it’s ‘they’.”

She’s educating me, but I look at it and I think it comes so easy for them and that is absolutely wonderful. It’s wonderful that we’re all being educated, perhaps not at the same pace as others, but we are. We are challenged to change our viewpoints on things that we were perhaps one-track minded about. It is good that there are people who are challenging the norms. Who is to say that I feel any less feminine than the woman in the heels and the tight skirt?