“If you know, you know.” At the very least, if you follow Gstaad Guy on social media, you’ll know what he knows. If you don’t know — well, you simply don’t.
Forbes did a little light sleuthing into the mystery of the nameless internet comic who sends up both old money and new money and enjoys a devoted following among the very high-net-worth individuals he so lightly, and consistently, lampoons. He appears to occupy that rarest of positions: an insider with enough distance to be funny. Someone intimately familiar with the lifestyles of the very rich and fully acquainted with the risible quirks of those who inhabit every point along the wealth continuum.
His two best-known characters — Constance, the middle-aged fop with a permanent scowl and unwaveringly exacting tastes, and his younger, gauche cousin Colton, the 20-something American crypto bro — represent the internal tug-of-war facing today’s luxury consumers and the brands courting them: how to balance timeless substance (Constance) with conspicuous status signalling (Colton).
The late tastemaker Virgil Abloh loved Gstaad Guy precisely because he perfectly captured this cultural friction point between old-world tradition and modern hype that luxury brands must now navigate to remain relevant. Which explains why Gstaad Guy, in the ultimate inside joke, collaborates with Loro Piana (his limited-edition Open Walk variations, as worn by Constance, sell out in minutes), Bentley (he co-designed the alpine-inspired Bentayga EWB Chalet Edition), and Audemars Piguet (which sponsors his daily beaters).
Gstaad Guy says his audience now treats him like an oracle of good taste, demanding reviews and recommendations for virtually every purchase and holiday, sliding into his DMs with an endless stream of requests. Taste, it turns out, is very big business. Because how else do you know you know? Which made me wonder where the Guy himself would place this list of high-ticket spending trends currently sweeping the world’s one-percenters. À la poubelle (straight to the rubbish heap, in Constance’s immortal phrase), or decidedly not?
1. Slow luxury
Nothing says “living large” quite like having nowhere in particular to be. The latest flex is slowing down on a grand scale.
At one end of the spectrum is Aman Group’s round-the-world private jet expedition. Guests hop on and off a private jet over 21 days, travelling from Aman to Aman across continents. The grandest itinerary is a contemporary take on the aristocratic Grand Tour, taking in Japan, Vietnam, China, Bhutan, India, Uzbekistan, and finally Greece.
In an era when almost every experience ends up on social media, luxury has become less about access and more about exclusive access. Highly bespoke travel agencies such as Imago Artis Travel curate deeply personal itineraries for travellers who would rather spend an evening alone in an ancient Roman church overlooking the Forum, recreating the view of an emperor, or browse the Vatican Library as though they were part of a conclave.
The ultimate flex, however, is travelling with someone remarkable. Such as joining Alexandra Tolstoy — a bona fide countess and descendant of Leo Tolstoy — on horseback through Kyrgyzstan while experiencing nomadic life firsthand. Or travelling with La DoubleJ founder JJ Martin on one of her spiritually focused journeys through Egypt or Turkey, where luxury increasingly means slowing down long enough to rediscover inner peace.
2. Who wants to live forever?
A billionaire, without a doubt.
The peptide industry is booming, in an alarmingly underregulated fashion, as the pursuit of eternal youth is rebranded as extreme wellbeing.
Longevity has become the defining luxury of our age, transforming wellness travel from indulgence into investment. The world’s most sought-after destinations — from Switzerland’s legendary Clinique La Prairie and Chenot Palace Weggis to Spain’s pioneering SHA Wellness Clinic, Italy’s Palazzo Fiuggi, Germany’s Lanserhof, and the new generation of wellness resorts such as Sensei Lanai and Six Senses Ibiza — have reimagined the traditional spa as a centre for preventative medicine and healthy ageing.
Ballers no longer travel simply to relax. They arrive for advanced diagnostics, genomic testing, personalised nutrition, regenerative aesthetic medicine, sleep optimisation, hormone balancing, and recovery therapies, all integrated into extraordinary hospitality, Michelin-worthy cuisine, and spectacular natural settings. The language of luxury has shifted from excess to optimisation, from pampering to measurable vitality. Aesthetic medicine now favours collagen stimulation, skin longevity, and graceful ageing over dramatic intervention — though there will always be a place for the deep-plane facelift. Cue Kris Jenner.
The ultimate flex, though, is pairing your new face with a demonstrably lower biological age — à la Bryan Johnson, albeit with a better diet.
3. Legacy luxury
If you plan to live long and prosper, you might as well make sure your heirs don’t squander it all. Losing the family fortune within a generation is decidedly not a look.
The business of preparing the next generation to inherit not simply wealth but also responsibility is booming. In London, consultancies such as Dallington have pioneered a new model of coaching for the children of ultra high net-worth families, helping them navigate the psychological complexities of inheritance through mentoring, leadership retreats, philanthropy, financial education, and immersive Rising Generation programmes.
Similar organisations, including the Institute for Preparing Heirs and the Family Office Exchange, argue that the greatest threat to family fortunes is not market volatility but a lack of purpose. Their goal is to cultivate stewards rather than spenders, ensuring inherited wealth becomes a platform for contribution rather than complacency. As Dallington founder Jessica McGawley observes, families devote extraordinary effort to preparing wealth for their children, yet remarkably little to preparing their children for wealth.
4. Put your name on it
I don’t think there is a single building Donald Trump has ever encountered that he hasn’t wanted to put his name on.
Granted, this strategy can backfire spectacularly if your reputation suffers — as the Sackler family discovered when institutions quietly removed their name from museums and galleries around the world. But there remains something rather noble about leaving behind a foundation, a museum or a collection that enriches public life.
The Frick Collection in Manhattan has just emerged from a magnificent restoration, and I can think of few better ways to celebrate unimaginable wealth than preserving your home and your art collection for posterity. Henry Clay Frick’s Gilded Age mansion on Fifth Avenue lives on, opening its doors to generations who might otherwise never have experienced such beauty.
And perhaps that, more than anything else, is how you go from Colton to Constance in a single move.
- From the August issue of Wanted, 2026.
